I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was unlucky in love but rewind to this time last year and I was definitely falling for the wrong types of guys. I seemed to attract emotional unavailable men and once they’d got me under their spell, crushed my innocent heart in the palm of their hand, dangled the shattered pieces on string and then set fire to said string, they’d up and leave without a word – until a few weeks later when they wanted their egos stroked.
I’m not going to lie – and I’m slightly ashamed to say – this went on for a while on more than one occasion with more than one guy (not at the same time, obviously) because, well, it was just my heart getting hurt, my confidence being squashed and my time being wasted, right?
I had no one relying on me, no one looking up to me, no example to set and what I did with my spare time – whether that was sitting at home on a Friday night waiting for a low-life who promised he’d turn up and then blank my calls all night – was up to me.
Pathetic, I know.
But when I found out I was expecting a little girl, my attitude towards men changed. Dating, obviously, is the last thing on my mind at the moment and it will be off the cards for a long time because I have pregnancy to get through, money to make, a book to write, dreams to achieve and a daughter to raise.
But I’ve already started to re-evaluate the types of people – women included – I converse with because my time is too precious to waste on people who don’t reciprocate the effort.
My daughter only has me to look up to once she enters this big, scary, evil, world and I don’t want her growing up thinking it’s OK for people to disrespect her or her time.
I want her to know that it’s OK to walk away from people who aren’t adding value to her life, who aren’t willing her to succeed and who don’t have her best interests at heart.
I want her to know her worth – whether that’s in a work place, amongst her friends at school or in a relationship. It’s important to spread love because there’s so much hatred in this world but acknowledge and take action when someone is taking advantage.
Little girls grow up reading/watching fairytales where the prince rescues the princess from the burning building or evil witch, they fall in love and live happily ever after. Is it any wonder these youngsters grow up thinking their life goal is to meet their prince?
Life doesn’t always work like that and I want my little girl to know that it’s OK to be on her own – she doesn’t need a man (or a woman) to achieve her dreams. The right person will come along when she’s least expecting it.
It breaks my heart to think that one day when she’s older I may have to cuddle her to sleep after she’s spent all evening sobbing about the guy she “loves” who dumped her for her friend called Lexy. But that’s life, isn’t it? Everyone gets their heart broken at one time or another but it’s how you pick yourself up and learn from it that truly matters.
So… going back to me… I don’t regret meeting any of the guys who have broken my heart in the past because all of those tears I cried, every single time my heart sank when they left my message on read and every minute I wasted waiting for them to come around, has made me a better, more resilient, more determined and stronger person.
And I’ll now use those experiences to help raise my daughter so that she grows up to be a confident, yet caring, young lady who takes shit from no one. And then, one day, she really can say: ‘I got it from my mama.’