The good morning texts, the cute remarks, the part-time handy man who comes to your rescue when you need that picture putting up or your shower fixed, the explosive sex and the prince charming who wants to spend every minute of the day with you until you fall asleep in his arms.
It’s enough to reel anyone in, right? Boy did good, he’s got you hooked good and proper. In fact, by this point, you’re probably picking out your wedding dress, thinking about potential names for your kids and telling the world and his wife how perfect you are for one another because you have the same “dreams.”
Then one day – some weeks/months later – you don’t get that good morning text anymore. In fact you don’t hear from him for the WHOLE day. I mean, I wouldn’t mind but we’ve been speaking all day every day for the past three months.
‘It’s OK, he’s probably busy?’ ‘Maybe his phone ran out of charge?’ ‘Perhaps it was a family emergency?’ ‘What if he died?’ All these thoughts run through your mind until you finally whack your ego on the head and send him the first text. ‘What is this? Am I 16 again? Just fucking text him. Just a simple little text.’
“Hey stranger, have you fallen off the face of the earth or something? (crying laughing face emoji)”
Two days have gone by now – And by this point you’ve blocked and unblocked him at least six times and changed your Whatsapp picture 33 times in the hope he’ll notice and message you. (He’s online BTW).
You’re flitting between ‘I don’t need him. I’m an independent woman. I can get any guy I want. Boy, bye’. to ‘Damn, I think I might actually be in love. He’s the only one who gets me. He’ll come running back, right?’
And he does (the latter, by the way) but two weeks later.
Just when you’ve picked yourself up, put that imaginary tiara back on your head and felt just about ready to take on the world again, who comes knocking? Mmmh, the man who vanished without a trace for 14 frigging days!
Don’t expect an apology either. Oh no, don’t be so silly, you’re not his girlfriend, he doesn’t have to give you an explanation. In fact, don’t even bother asking where he’s been. It’s none of your business. You just need to know that he’s been “busy”
banging other girls but he “missed” you and wants to see you. Now. At 4am. On a Saturday night.
‘Awwh! See, he did miss me. That’s so cute.’
And just like the besotted fool you are, you reply: “Sure, come round. Call me when you’re outside.”
‘We’re not going to have sex. No way, he can’t expect to turn up at 6am and have a piece of this babe. I mean, if he’d come at 4 when he said he would, he could’ve had his wicked way with me. Any position, any place, multiple rounds. Do not have sex with him. I repeat: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM.’
Let me guess… You had sex. Three times, wasn’t it?
And now, surprise surprise, he’s got to leave for “football” – despite the fact he never once mentioned he played ball when you were inseparable for the past three months – and now you’re left sat at home feeling like a total idiot because you let him sweet talk you into bed once again, right?
You can’t even tell your best friend. Why? because you can already predict the look of disgust on her face when she finds out you not only let him get within 100 miles of your vagina, but you actually let him into said body part. Three times.
So at this point you’re probably having a game of tug of war with your heart and your head. Your head wants you to face up to the facts and erase that
wannabe womaniser from your life BUT your battered and bruised heart just won’t let go. ‘Maybe he’ll change?’ ‘Maybe he’ll learn to appreciate me?’
And then – this gets better – you finally find the strength to walk away from the person who has been dangling your feelings on a piece of string for i-don’t-know-how-long and he pops back in. It’s like he’s bugged your phone/social networking sites and has CCTV linked to your home because he conveniently drops you a message just as you realise that he’s not worth the hassle and cut him off.
“I miss you so much. You’re the only one I want. I want to make this work. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I know I don’t even deserve a reply but I am sincerely sorry. When can I see you?”
Ah, there we go! He’s realised you’re no longer giving him attention. Perhaps one of his other side chicks has realised he’s a compulsive liar and has ditched him. Or maybe he’s fuming at the thought of someone else getting their paws on his
But you don’t see it like that – at this moment in time anyway – as you think he’s finally come to his senses. He’s clearly heartbroken without you and can’t bear to lose you. At least not without a “proper goodbye”, anyway.
So, naturally, you reply. And the whole cycle starts all over again – even though your instincts are flicking little elastic bands at you and screaming at you to get out!
Only this time he’s realised he can walk all over you, disrespect you, blame you, hurt you, badmouth you and basically get away with murder, yet he’ll still be able to convince you “you’re the one” he wants because he knows all the right things to say to make you fall back in love with his charm.
Perhaps this cycle goes on for a little while longer – maybe even a year – and each time you fall apart and come back together, his behaviour becomes even more vile. He starts disrespecting your time, tries to isolate you from your friends and plays on your insecurities so that you lean on him even more.
During this roller coaster of a ‘relationship’, you start blaming yourself for his wicked ways and begin to question whether you’re actually going crazy and turning into that psycho bitch you vowed never to be.
Until one day he’ll do something, it may not even be anything huge, but it’ll make you realise that you deserve so much more than someone who doesn’t appreciate how wonderful you are.
And then, just like that, you block and delete him from everything.
You no longer care what he’s got to say: You don’t want to see his pictures on Instagram because you don’t want to be reminded of how much time and energy you wasted on someone who clearly thrives off attention from multiple girls, and you don’t need the number of someone who adds zero value to your life.
And do you know what?
He doesn’t even care that you’ve erased him from your life because as far as he’s concerned you’re just another who bit the dust and he’ll pop back on a sleazy dating site and find someone to replace you.
When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.
When a strong woman feels unwanted and unappreciated, she’ll stop trying and start walking, and along the way she’ll bump into someone who thinks the absolute world of her.
Don’t let a toxic relationship make you second guess every man who walks into your life. Just learn from it and listen to the warning signs from your gut early on because, nine times out of 10, they’re right.